(May 28, 2010) Though I have have steadily been aware that I sent the following email, I was shocked yesterday to see how long ago I sent it out. I suffer from such severe depression that I have not been able to follow up on what this email is all about. It is all about getting my three witnesses to the trauma I endured while assigned to the 30th Arty Bgde to understand what that illegal and immoral duty assignment did to me and for them to testify to the Veterans Administration on what they know as the facts of this matter.
One of the witnesses, my former 30th Arty Bgde commander, Col. Louis G. Hergert, has since passed away. The email was sent to his son, Gus, whom I had exchanged several emails with. I am glad the Col. Hergert never had to deal with this, but he may have been partly responsible for what happened. I do not know though, because he may never have been briefed or told in any way that the 30th Arty photo lab in the Mole Hole underground communications bunker was actually in a nuclear fallout emergency decontamination chamber. As a soldier photographer, had I served with Col. Hergert in a war zone, my first duty would have always been to protect the commander. I would have willingly given my life to defend him from any enemies. And I flat-out really liked the man. He was a very nice, intelligent, easy to get along with, gentle person.
But, it really fries-my-gizzards seeing how long that Jim Whitcomb and Gordan Barber have had to come forward with what they know about me not being able to order photo equipment or supplies, nor ever advance in rank as there was no slot for a photographer at the 30th, and they sure-as-hell remember that the photo lab Jim and I worked in was completely against Army Rules and Regulations AND it would have negated the intended use of the decon chamber - quite possibly allowing millions of Americans to do in a nuclear war.
Here is the email:
To my how the 30th Artillery Brigade f#*&ed up my life witnesses
Monday, January 29, 2007 2:43 PM
From: "David Crews"
Gus Hergert: mailto:gushergert3@bellsouth.net (son of Col. Louis G. Hergert)
Jim Whitcomb's contact info:
Studio Houston Digital Photography
5401 Mitchelldale Suite B2
Houston, Texas
Phone 713 682 0067
Fax 713 682 0067
sales@studiohouston.com
I have a case pending with the Veterans Administration for a fair service connected disability rating. The VA does not believe me when I tell them the facts about my assignment to the 30th Artillery Brigade on Okinawa. The last VA doctor whom I talked to looked me straight in my face and told me so, then he put it in my records that I am more or less making it all up. Jim Whitcomb is in my VA files as a witness, but the VA refuses to contact him. The best thing for us all is for you two other veterans and Col. Hergert to contact each other, and then contact the VA to set them straight on the facts. The VA already knows that I became a depressed and angry man in the 30th Arty, and still am in my adult life, they know that I abused alcohol and other drugs, I went through substance abuse rehab in the VA, the only thing that you now need to add to my records is that I am not lying about the illegality and immorality of my assignment to the 30th as brigade photographer (http://magic-city-news.com/D_R_Crews_84/The_Illegality_And_Immorality_Of_My_Assignment_As__5891.shtml).
To Gus and T. G. Barber, one day about two years ago I had long phone conversation with Jim. We discussed many things that are in my written works. He can verify things that either you or Col. Hergert may not be aware of.
To Jim, you have no reasonable choice left but to tell the truth to T. Gordon Barber and Col. L. G. Hergert.
To Barber and Gus, you have no other reasonable choice left but to listen to Jim when he tells you the full facts of how the 30 Arty's photo lab was set up and how he got his photo equipment and supplies and that the lab was in a place that was there for a very different reason. A reason that I believed in so much that the knowledge of how my photo lab compromised the stated military mission of the 30th Arty Bgde drove me to the brink of complete insanity. Hopeless, debilitating, depression and anxiety nearly destroyed me. I still suffer from it. The guilt that I felt as a result of being a part of endangering millions of lives, whom I was there to protect, crushed my soul. The fact that those soldiers at the 30th who had arranged to virtually kidnap and enslave me were going to get away with it turned me against the entire US Army. I lost most of my lifelong love for my country, a land which I had been willing to fight and die for ever since I was child growing up in a good, patriotic family and living in nice community going to schools that had taught me patriotism from the beginning of my formal education (http://magic-city-news.com/D_R_Crews_84/Nuclear_War_Fears_5797.shtml). After that it was impossible for me to give my full, natural born love to my family. As a very young man this left me with nothing to believe in or want to live for. The result of all this was that I have had an extremely empty hearted and impoverished adult life. It was the wrong way to react, but there never should have been such a f#*+ed up situation for me to react to. I was a fine young man when I joined the Army (http://ursusdave.blogspot.com). I did well in basic training and Army photography school, and on up till I went to Okinawa and was assigned to the 30th long enough to learn just what my assignment there actually meant (http://magic-city-news.com/D_R_Crews_84/My_VW_Bug_Trip_to_Maine_4762.shtml). And it says exactly that in my Army records. There was no way that my family or schooling could have prepared me on how to react to what happened to me at the 30th Arty. It was a personal disgrace for me to be part of such an organization that would set up a photo lab which negated the use of an important safeguard in the chain of defense that was supposed to be protecting my beloved country and family. It may be that the only course of action which will resolve this is if you three come forward to help me to set this right.
I have a copy of the Table Of Organization and Equipment dated 31 July 1967 for Headquarters and Headquarters Battery Air Defense Artillery Brigade and there is no slot for a photographer on it. I have one Morning Report for the 30th HHB but there is no info on it filled out about anyone's MOS. I have tried for years to get the paperwork, which I know is out there somewhere, to prove my case, but I would need to go to the Military Records Center in St. Louis to research for it or pay for research, which I can not afford. I believe that the written evidence is either in a Morning Report or Unit Roster. I asked St. Louis for one Unit Roster but they want research money. Their web site suggests asking for research help from several local universities’ history departments, it says that students will do the research for free. So I sent numerous emails to those schools’ administrators and to faculty members of the departments which the Records Center said would help, but I never heard back from any of them.
I have sent letters and emails to numerous elected officials, but all they ever come back with is info stating that yes I was assigned to the 30th Arty as a photographer. I sent those same letters and emails to many members of the media, but most of them do not understand or believe me. I finally found one individual in Maine who was willing to publish my 30th Arty stories on his web publication (http://magic-city-news.com/D_R_Crews_84/index.shtml). Then I found out about blogging on the Internet, and I have the facts of my 30th Arty situation well documented on those sites (http://ursusdave3.blogspot.com/ + http://okinawa1970-71.blogspot.com). I sent emails to any 30th Arty veterans I could locate on the Internet. I placed guest book entries on Okinawa and 30th Arty web sites informing people that I was looking for witnesses to what happened to me and then where my 30th Arty stories could be found. Several thousand people have read those stories. Some of my readers believe that I was screwed over by the 30th Arty, some don’t. Do a web search for my full name, “David Robert Crews”, in quotes to get just the exact phrase, and also search for ursusdave, my Internet nickname. Use both Google and Yahoo and you will find most of what I have placed on the Internet.
I have also told my family, friends, and many acquaintances all about this. Again, some believed me, others didn’t.
As you can now see, I have been struggling and working to prove the facts for a long time. If I am not telling the truth then I am one severely psychotic veteran who needs serious treatment for psychosis. Or I’m a damn good fiction writer who should be using his talents to be a successful, professional fiction writer.
I have had a lot of treatment for my real mental health disorders of depression and anxiety since I left the Army. VA and civilian doctors and mental health care workers have treated me for these problems all throughout my adult life. This is all well documented in my VA files. Some civilian mental health workers have believed me when I talked about what my 30th Arty experiences did to me, but only one VA doctor ever told me that he believed me, but unfortunately he did not right that down in my files. One VA doctor thought that it was an “organic problem”, like a maybe a brain tumor, that was causing me to think up these things, and I was given a Cat Scan of my brain, which was negative for anything that would make me think up and believe crazy bullcrap. It is not crazy bullcrap, as Jim you know, Barber you probably know, and Col. Hergert you may very well possibly know (but I am hoping that Col. Hergert never knew).
I have done all that I can to resolve this serious issue. Now I must insist that you three help me.
I guess that it was because of the way that my depression keeps me from being able to totally concentrate or think 100% clearly that I did not email all three of you at the same time and tell you about each other, instead I emailed T. Barber and Gus without telling them that I had emailed Jim the day before. Then I realized that you all three need to communicate with each other so that Jim can tell Gus and Barber what the real deal was. And Barber should at least remember that he could not order me photo supplies.
You are pretty well stuck with this. Don’t blame me, I was the honest, young soldier who only wanted to work hard at being a good photographer, be issued what I needed to do the job, not pay for my own cameras, lenses, film, and then photo paper too to do Army assignments. Then to realize what it meant to have my photo lab in that nuclear fallout emergency decontamination chamber was more than my young psyche could handle.
I forgot to put my last email to Jim in the sent file, but here is a copy of the email I sent to Col. Hergert's son today:
Following this first part of my email to you is an email that I sent to the former 30th Arty Bgde officer T. Gordon Barber. Then there is a set of emails that Barber and I exchanged.
I am not angry at your father as I am at Mr. Barber. Barber absolutely positively knew what was up with my situation at the 30th Arty, but I never knew whether your dad knew anything or not.
I did not particularly, personally care for Lt. Barber, but maybe it would have been different had my assignment under him been legal.
I admired, respected, and enjoyed the company of to no end, and would have willingly fought and died for, in a combat area, your father, my Col. Hergert.
Prior to my entry in the Army I was a bear hunting guide in Maine (www.ursusdave.blogspot.com Northern Maine Adventures). During those experiences I had the great pleasure, and at very rare times the displeasure
(http://magic-city-news.com/D_R_Crews_84/The_Rocket_Scientist_4547.shtml)
of guiding many types of individuals on bear hunts--doctors, lawyers, millionaire businessmen--and as their hunting guide I had control of the situation and their safety and lives and chances of having a good, safe, fun time in Maine were in my fully capable hands. That allowed me to know that as long as person does their job well and to the best of their abilities as I did while guiding them that they are no better than me in any way. Consequently when I say that I liked Col. Hergert and his family immensely I had the life experiences to be a good judge of character.
I do not wish to cause your family any stress or discomfort. I have told the bulk of my 30th Arty story with embarrassing candor (www.ursusdave3.blogspot.com), I know that your father's memories of me will be different at times from what the facts were.
I have no choice but to involve your father in this to some degree. It is a matter of my survival. Read my 30th Arty blog site and it can be apparent to you that I have no other choice than to ask that Col. Hergert have his say in this. What happened to me was not something that I have ever believed or even fully suspected that Col. Hergert knew and approved of. I had to suspect that he may have known, but it just did not seem to me that it fit his personality or professional standards for him to have known the true military facts of my assignment to the 30th Arty as a photographer.
My life has been, since I was assigned to the 30th, and will always be quite a dismal mess unless I finally set the record straight.
What I have endured during my adult life and what I now endure everyday is too much for me to take any longer. The stress is horrible. The embarrassment and humiliation of being seen as a different person than who I am because of the lies in my military records has all but killed me. It has now just about finished me. I put it all out there on the world wide web for everyone to see but it made no difference.
I am going to set this situation straight in very short time. I am giving you one last chance to allow me to do this in a kind gentle manner towards your father and family. If you do not now realize that you and your father are unfortunately stuck with helping me, than I can't help you. It has now come down to you and yours, and T. Gordon Barber and his, or me and mine.
I know that this is difficult for you to understand and I am willing to be very reasonable with you. But I am going to prove these facts about my time in the US Army no matter what happens to anyone else. It is now a matter of my survival and the well being of my family, particularly my heirs.
Please cooperate with me so that no one in your family is hurt in any way. This is a sad set of facts to have to expose as a potential black mark on your father's record. I have never thought that Col. Hergert should be held responsible for what happened to me under his command. But in the military world he was in fact responsible to some minute degree. It may not mean much at this stage of his life, but I will be further emotionally injured by my 30th Arty experiences if I have to cause Col. Hergert any serious stress or other problems that are unhealthy to him.
You have maybe till the end of the month to go over my 30th Arty web site and talk to your dad. I am at the end of my rope.
Today, as I was reading through this email to look for mistakes, before I emailed it, I had a brief, disturbing, anxiety attack when I thought that I may go to check my email and find that Col. Hergert or one of the other three of you has died. These anxiety incidents have been hitting me too many times. I can not wait any longer. Let’s get this done and over with so that we can move on in our lives.
(End of the email)
I have been suffering from varying degrees of depression for nearly 40 damned years. It is definitely a service connected disability. The Veterans Administration has refused to believe a word I tell them about this. Time and time and time and time again, they declare it is all in my head and I made it up to cover up my own natural personality problems. I have tried to get them to look at what I have here on this web site about it, but was told, "We don't look on the Internet to help treat our patients." I bet they sure would look it over real closely if I had placed threatening statements on here about them and they 'got wind of it'. The last VA psychiatrist or physiologist whom I met with also told me they "can't help" me with my service connected "disability rating." They cannot help me receive a fair one, but they have made sure that I do not have one.
All in all, it feels like I had been shot at and missed - but shat at and hit.
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